2 Corinthians 11:21b-33
“And, besides other things, I am under daily pressure because of my anxiety for all the churches” (2 Corinthians 11:28)
Paul was clearly a pastor. Obviously, he was more than a pastor. A missionary, an apostle, prophetic in his writings, but he was definitely, certainly, even in the midst of all these other things, a pastor.
The litany of hardships that precede 2 Corinthians 11:28 is hardly fathomable. Whipped, spanked, stoned, washed out to sea; sleepless, naked, and hungry – it is a list that one could hardly wish on an enemy. Yet all of this Paul had suffered. And still yet, he doesn’t fail to mention “my anxiety for all the churches.” Indeed, it is the last sorrow in his litany, which may imply it is his greatest sorrow (depending upon how you read the intention behind the list’s order). All this physical suffering and it is the emotional toll of caring for the church that Paul ends on.
Some have wondered why I’m taking a sabbatical, why I need one at all. None of my pastor friends have wondered this. They know. They experience the same anxiety, the same daily pressures, and they rejoice at any pastor’s good fortune to claim a restorative break. I’ve honestly been amazed that I haven’t been met by more latent jealousy amongst my colleagues and clergy friends. But the shared anxiety and pressure is so great that even a slimy emotion like envy has no room to slip in.
I realize, of course, that in referencing my sabbatical in light of Paul’s litany of hardships that I sound bombastic, as if I have any share in being beaten, stoned, and set adrift at sea. I sound – again like Paul – like I should preface this all with “I am speaking as a fool” or “I am talking like a madman.” But the point isn’t to compare the life of a pastor to Paul’s litany of hardships, but rather to acknowledge the continuity between his “daily pressure” and “anxiety” and my own (as well as that of every pastor I know).
To be clear, I am not singling out any particular event or persons for all the stress and strain. No, this job – on its best day, in a perfect church, with no discord of any sort – still teems over with pressure and anxiety. It is the nature of the beast, so to speak. And it is why the Presbytery (and every major Christian denomination in America today) all have Sabbatical policies for pastors.
None of this is meant to be a pity party for me, or for any pastor. None of this is provided to encourage comparison between pastors. No, this is provided because Paul created space for me to reflect in this devotion on my own call and well-being – both personal and professional. At their best, devotional reading of scripture creates space for new thinking, new reflections, new consolation. And while I typically try to pursue these devotions with everyone in mind (its own sort of pressure since no two congregants are ever in the same place at the same time!), today spoke too loudly, too clearly to me. I’m grateful to be able to share, then, this reflection – both of the scripture and of your pastor – with you, just as I’m grateful for you.
Amen.
